Home Alone 2

I have never seen the original Home Alone in one sitting. I have seen the whole movie, but not from start to finish. The one I saw a whole lot more often (because we had it taped, and it was of...*ahem* so-called "lesser quality" than the original, and so got played more) was the sequel, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. As far as sequels go though, Home Alone 2 actually isn't bad. In fact, could it actually be better than the first movie? YES. Hear me out people!

I mean, come on, as a kid, what's better than having the whole house to yourself? How about having your dad's credit card, identity, no spending limit, and the city of New York at your disposal? And it's all 90s tech so no one can find you. Hell yeah! Think Florida sucks on Christmas? Why not crash at the "world renowned" Plaza Hotel in instead?... on your dad's credit card! Why not indeed. Why not do it now? 

Seriously, this movie is tighter with its set-ups and pay-offs than a 40's mobster... so tight in the opening minutes that if you miss any small line of dialogue you'll be more lost in New York than Kevin is (because he's never really "lost" in New York anyway, that's a scam). The Talkboy tape recorder? Set up. The clown balloon? Set up. The "He said that if I go in there, and see him naked, I'll never grow up feeling like a real man..." ? Set up. (Trust me on that one.) After the first 10 minutes, just sit back and wait for those sweet, sweet payoffs... and boy does this movie not disappoint. They tease you about 10 times on the way out the door with the "where's Kevin?" schtick, but lol and behold, there he is in the front seat! Not gonna leave him behind this time! I DEFY YOU MOVIE to keep him in tow! 

My family's in Florida...
and I'm in... New York?

It's actually impressive how they get him separated a second time... although once again, it all comes down to his parents being idiots and not checking on him the ENTIRE FLIGHT. Besides, stopping in the airport to get the batteries in your TalkBoy is way more important than going to Florida anyway. It's not his fault. He ended up having a much better vacation anyways. You go boy! 

Anyways, here's the scene they don't show in rebroadcasts for reasons that become obvious (was probably a really expensive shot to get too)... featuring the most nostalgic Christmas song ever made: 

Someone's gotta stop kicking
Mac in the nuts.

So in the rare case of a 90s boy actually having some intelligence (Minkus doesn't count as a human being), we now find Kevin pulling the same tricks to get himself ensconced in a king-sized bed with his big cozy bath robe, surrounded by treats and bloody gangster films ("Merry Christmas you filthy animal!"), and eating two scoops of every flavor ice cream there is. He's dive-bombing into sweet hotel swimming pools (with, and then without, his shorts), paying his personal bag slave Rob Schneider in gum (glorious too... and for Schneider, sooooo deserved), and doing just about everything every kid has ever dreamed of. 

"Peet-zah."

At least... it was everything I ever dreamed of doing, but then again, I never dreamed about the "stolen" credit card getting suddenly declined, and Tim Curry coming after me to collect, and that's precisely where this paradise starts to unravel. Even still, it was enough to make me want to board the wrong flight with my dad's credit card. Throw in some (shoehorned in) retread jokes with the same bumbling robbers (calling themselves the Sticky Bandits this time, or at least, just Marv... Joe Pesci was too busy inventing new ways to swear and still keep it PG), and it was still wall-to-wall stitches from my side of the room. That's not saying much though. I laughed at pretty much anything that didn't require brain cells: 

Harry: "What's that?"

(*Looney Tunes Shenanigans*)

Marv: "That was the sound of a giant tool chest... falling down the stairs..." 

Still gets me every time! So much wholesome holiday goodness! 

Chances are, if you're like me, you can't hear many Christmas tunes on the radio without thinking about this or the first Home Alone, like the Johnny Mathis "It's Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas" or "Jingle Bell Rock." But especially this one, which was done for the movie and now you hear it every year  (update: yeah the original was taken down, but here's a pretty good cover from American Grapefruit):

Just as well, you probably wanted a Talkboy tape recorder because of this movie, like I did.

Merry Chex-Mix!