Pizza Hut Time Portal

In a recent jaunt for some late night eats with my family, we may have discovered a rift in time and space somewhere in the dark back roads and rural short cuts of our local Nowheresville. All I know is that returning from the mall with a GPS in hand led us into what us easterners call "countryside," and after a long journey through the empty roads and swirling mists we came upon our destination at last, shimmering in the dark. Glowing signage lit our ascent toward its parking lot on the hill. It was a Pizza Hut, and I don't exactly know what compelled us to entreat upon this particular establishment, but perhaps the fact that it was also a time portal had something to do with it.

Stepping into this place immediately gave the impression that the last twenty years had no effect on its design, decor, or atmosphere. Forget industrial tile and glass, what we were walking into was a cramped entryway--a dirty carpet underfoot, slanted wood all around, and a wide rectangular window overlooking the main seating area. Sticker and gumball machines greeted us as we took our two or three steps toward the wooden entry door and pulled it open. A little bell even rang on entrance.

Two feet over our heads now hung drop ceilings, particle board (wood print) ceiling fans, and hanging plants--and underfoot, a green rug on tiny red tiles. Before us was a grid of narrow alleyways carved out between low wooden booths, linoleum tables, and even more fake plants, all lit in a haze of steam by stained-glass light fixtures. To the right was the ordering counter with a full view of the kitchen behind it, and the ominous glowing Lite Brite letters of the menu board. A lit Pizza Hut logo hung on the corner, blazing white and red and buzzing away.

Not one ceiling tile didn't have a stain, not one cushion wasn't frayed, not one fluorescent bulb could be found, and yet we were right at home. In fact, it almost felt familiar for some reason, like deja vu, like sleepwalking through a dream. Was it just a dream? Even now I don't know, but if it was, I want to go back to sleep. At the table, we even found Trivial Pursuit cards that were very educational as a history lesson. The answer was, of course, "C" in current events ("Suddam Hussein invades Kuwait"), and you guessed it, "B" in sports ("Soviet gymnast Vladimir Artemov"). Anyone knew that!

So yes my friends, it all started becoming clear. We'd surely found a time portal, and for some reason, it took us to 1989. We did make it back to current time later that night by taking the same back roads through the dark woods and swirling mists, but not before sampling the P'zone, which was awesome.