Cutting a Penny in Half

It doesn't take too long when you're a kid to learn that what they're selling this time of year isn't going to be half as good out of the box as it looks on TV. The commercial might have said the truck had "real world sounds," but to my ear, all I could hear was the "shhhhhhh" like tuning a radio station every time I pressed the button on the truck. Yeah, that the whole "real world sounds" thing was a complete sham.

But there was a time when I was still dumb enough to believe anything, so when they had those "super scissors" infomercials back in the day with the funky-looking scissors cutting through leather, vinyl, aluminum, and even pennies like cold butter, my dad was sure to buy, even with the two easy payments of 9.99 and shipping! Apparently I wasn't the only one dumb enough.

"It so tough, it can cut a penny in half!" That was a claim worth to price of the pair in and of itself in my book. Even my dad was so impressed that he called them up, and in weeks we had our new pair of scissors in the mail. As was custom with probably everyone else who bought these "super scissors," we immediately got on that important task of actually cutting a penny in half, and damn was that one tough nut to crack!

Unlike in the commercial, which showed it cutting straight through with barely any force, it took the strength of all three of us men in the house (the 8yo-me, my 7yo-brother, and dad) to get the job done. I remember my dad, after laying them down on the table and using his full arm, made the first short incision on the side, and then my brother and I took over huffing and puffing until the thing finally gave through and the pieces shot in opposite directions across the room! So yeah, they didn't lie, per se, because it was possible, just damn hard. Wise purchase it was.

After the quest to deface currency was over, and 25 bucks was considered well spent for ten minutes, those "super scissors" promptly found their way into the kitchen drawer, and were regular scissors from there on out whenever we lost the regular 2 dollar pair. The "strongest scissors in the world" completely sucked at cutting holiday wrapping paper!


  1. Ahaha! Sounds like my family! They got those super sharp knives that can cut through aluminum like butter..

    A few minutes later they're in a drawer and no longer used.

    Same thing goes for the Nu Wave oven. =P

    Does your family still have them? =P

    1. We never had the Nu Wave oven, but we did get that Ronco "set it and forget it" rotisserie thing. I remember the first thing the instructions said was "Don't take 'set it and forget it' seriously!"

    2. Ahahaha! I love that! You gotta love how silly directions can be sometimes!

      Or people for that matter!

      At Walamart, I saw that they recalled a scimitar for sharp edges. =P