Lucky Charms Marshmallows

Whales? Whatever.

This year marks the 20th anniversary of the rainbow marshmallows in your bowl of Lucky Charms. That's right. Thanks to whoever screwed up back in 1992 one day and poured too many colors into the "purple horseshoe" mold, we've had those stale marshmallow "rainbows" ever since. As a kid, I didn't pay all that much attention to what marshmallow shapes I was picking out of that cat nip they told me was the "toasted oats," so I didn't really notice how much the lineup has changed over the years. And if you've always been a marshmallow sniper like me, I assume you haven't either.

But based on my very detailed Wikipedia research (and this page), if you were a kid twenty years ago, and picking out the marshmallows, you were probably looking for "pink hearts", "yellow moons", "orange stars", "green clovers", "blue diamonds", "purple horseshoes", and "red balloons". A lot has changed though. These days, kids (and you) are picking out "yellow pots of gold", "orange shooting stars", "blue moons", "rainbows", and "green hats" instead... along with the same pink hearts, red balloons, and purple horseshoes as before.

But do you see what happened? Basically, we forever lost the "yellow moons", "orange stars", "green clovers", and "blue diamonds". (Evidence here... 13 seconds in, you'll see the marshmallows that used to be.) They did bring back the "green clovers" for a while... but even those have fell by the way.

This was because in the 90s, they decided to introduce a new marshmallow every two years. It started in 1989 with the "red balloons" (which is technically the 80s, but close enough). Then it was the "rainbows" in 1992, the "pots of gold" and the "blue moons" in 1994, the "green hats" in 1996, and the "shooting stars" in 1998. To make room for this TNG of marshmallows, the old color guard had to be put out to marshmallow paradise... a place so wonderful, none of them would ever think to come back.

Rest in pieces.

Personally I would've preferred to keep them all. What's the big idea General Mills? Just keep adding marshmallows and you won't need to keep filling the boxes with that oat-flavored packing material that takes up most of the box. Marshmallows rule.

So a moment of silence please for the Lucky Charms marshmallows that have gone before us....