Halloween Candy

I never cared much for costumes on Halloween. I remember one year wanting to go as Dr. Grant or any of the rabble of JP employees, but ended up going as a surgeon (it wasn't my idea). And no, it wasn't even a cool "diabolical surgeon" or anything, just a regular surgeon with face mask, gloves, and scrubs. In other years, I think I just ran around in a black cape and top hat and tried to be... something in a black cape and top hat.

I never really thought it through deep enough. If I had a thing for top hats one year, that's what my costume was. I cared more about the candy. Every Halloween you always came back with the same-old cheapo "bargain bag" variety. You always got a few handfuls of Reese's, M&Ms, and KitKats, a bunch of those Mr. Goodbars and Nestle Crunch, a solitary box of Milk Duds, and about a thousand rolls of Smarties. Usually if you dug through your bag deep enough, you might stumble on some Skittles, Laffy Taffy, Nerds, Mike & Ikes, or Dots, but that's if you had a good night. You were almost sure to get your Mars fix though. They gave out Snickers/Milky Way/3 Musketeers/Twix minis by the bucket-load! And sometimes you'd get a few oddball throw-ins... like once (I kid you not) I got Pepperidge Farm cheese crackers. That's in the dictionary under "lame."

In pursuit of all this free candy, I was definitely tempted to ignore the "please take one" rule to my own peril--concerning baskets left unsupervised on doorsteps. One time when out Trick-or-Treating, I decided to take that taboo second handful on a dark and lonely doorstep, and learned my lesson for good. The psychos jumped out of nowhere, screaming, "RAAH!" I almost fell off the step! So, word to the wise: either take one, or take the whole damn basket. 

The neighborhoods you decided to hit up made all the difference in your stash, and we usually tried to hit up a few different parts of town. The housing plots were just too PC on Halloween. Everything there was pretty well lit and everyone was packing it in around 8pm. It almost seemed like the holiday was only for the 5-and-under crowd, but those were the neighborhoods with the most freakin' candy, I swear. If you wore different masks, or just covered your face, you could visit a house a few times without them even knowing it. Their front doors were like Grand Central. On a darker side street like the one I lived on, sure there was much more fun to be had in the bedlam of Samhain, but that was only because few had their porch lights on, so few cared whether you had a trick because they hadn't treats. Those who did, took  f o r e v e r  to answer their doorbells.

So while I was sure to regale my friends with tales of wild chases in the dark, setting off party poppers and hurling toilet paper, I never did anything like that. There was never any property damage, just a whole ton of trespassing and a sugar high that could've put me in a coma.


  1. I've never celebrated Halloween and I'll tell you that the hardest part was never not being able to don a top hat; it was the not getting candy bit.

    Thankfully, I am now old enough to buy my own damn candy, whenever I want it. Boo-ya.


  2. It's always good to be old enough to spoil your appetites any time you feel like it. "I've got a million of them, I'll spoil them whenever I want!" -Seinfeld.

  3. How can you NOT like dressing up?!!! O_O I STILL dress up for halloween and I'm 22! =P Of course, my costumes are scarier and more mature, but still! =P And Halloween candy RULES! Candy Corn is my favorite! :)