Girls are Smarter

You try being cool in that room!
Girls are not always obviously smarter than boys, just most of the time. The rest of the time they are still smarter than us, but it isn't as obvious. I can say this because, firstly, I have extensive experience with being a boy, and secondly, I was a smart one at that, and thirdly, I liked girls. And trust me, all the good being smart ever did me (when it came to girls) was alert me to the fact that they are definitely smarter than us, or at least, that we are dumber than them, and that the sooner we all just accept it, the better off everyone will be.

Don't get me wrong, brain power has nothing to do with it, it's just that girls always have a way of deflating a boy's head, no matter what genius level stuff could allegedly be in there. Besides, if you asked the 8yo me, he'd agree. So let me speak from personal experience and the hope I'll get on the smarter half's good side by telling them what they want to hear... (hey ladies!).

See, my elementary school triad (all boys) was absolutely convinced that the girls were plotting to get us (and who do you think gave us that inkling?), so we'd huddle around our lunch table dispensing plans to counteract their sneak attacks. They bees up to sumptin! Being boys, we foolishly believed that if we put our heads together, we could outsmart them (I know, our first mistake, but were you expecting something else?). So we'd sidle up on their conversations. We'd torment them on the playground with our inane questions to confuse them. We'd act dumb just to annoy them. We'd even bug their lunch table if we had to, but one thing was certain, we'd stick together. We couldn't let even the nice ones lead us astray and thinking they were nice because that was their trickery at work for sure. After a few weeks flaunting our paranoia, we'd successfully given them all the more reason to contend, indeed, that "boys are stupid"... which was exactly what we wanted them to think. Duh!

It was a living, breathing, He-Man Woman-Haters club, I kid you not, and with all the same problems the Little Rascals had. Firstly, I knew a few very nice girls who didn't seem to be such a threat, and it made me second guess the whole scheme we'd invented from the ground up. Secondly, the plans would always backfire anyways. I know, right? How could that happen? Well, here's how it started. When it came time to form groups, I was always the one boy who ended up with a girl group (I was a dork and rarely got picked by my fellow kind), so I know firsthand what that group dynamic is like. When it was an all-boy group with the one girl, and the project was to paint a picture of a certain weather pattern, her "bright and sunny day" was no match for our impending hurricane. The boys called the shots and the girl just had to sit and soak. She'd insist: "But...but... I wanted the bright and sunny day!" To which my friend would rebut: "Oh don't soak about it!" Girls 0, Jackasses 1.

Little did we know that that little event would spark a little war, an event so insignificant that we'd long forgotten about it. That was until the tables were turned, and now I was the only boy in an all-girl project group, and the girls realized their chance to get even. The project was to go out and find all the kinds of life you could drag out of the woods, and I knew I'd be lucky if they even let me hold the bag. That's just the way it goes. Suck it up, get over it, play fetch, and be the one called on to do the digging and touch anything slimy or covered in dirt. Whatever you do, don't say anything. You're on thin ice just being the smelly boy. And that's usually fine with me because I'm generally okay with being whipped (in the non-literal sense), but then they totally excluded me all together! It was like I wasn't even there.

Normally you'd think this would've been any boy's paradise. Sit back, put your feet up, because you're literally the third wheel in this assignment, and hope that they do a good job on it because your grades were now in their busy hands. But no. I had no rest because despite having no say and no role in the project, they threatened to go tell the teacher that I was not my part. So you see, they were out to get us after all, no question about it! And what was a boy to do in that situation? Obviously, sit there like a bump on a log and answer a "whatever" to any show of niceness or peace offering. I told on them to the teacher, said they were treating me like a dog out there ("fetch boy!" was pushing it), but what did I possibly have to show for it? Sure, they'd been a little funny by having me hold the bag, but everything else I'd done on my own--the rudeness, the obnoxiousness, the wasting time, the furious scribbling all over my project sheet ...etc. The teacher asked them to apologize and they did.

Then what? I was asked to stop whining and participate. It seemed the only one really out to get me was me... (which is exactly what they wanted me to think, of course!), so I went from being the "stupid boy" of the group to being the best artist in the group, and drew a few scenes from the woods to compliment our project, and the girls even started treating me better. All I know is, the moment I decided to play along, we all started to get along. And what can I say? Our brains take time to compute the obvious.


  1. Hahaha! Funny thing is, when I was in elementary school, I was in an all girls group who HATED boys! =P We ran around beating them up!

    Ironically, I found most of them online and most all of em have babies and have had em since freshman year! XD

    1. Well, we couldn't go around beating up the girls, because that never ends good for us. So we just tried to be as annoying as we could and played defense... ;p