Mid90s Review

Whodah thought Jonah Hill had it in him? Watching Mid90s recently (because let's face it, I kinda had to eventually) was downright painful, harkening back to a simpler time of kid cruelty... big brother asswipes, good friends turned bitter enemies over something as trivial as some other kid giving you mad props, trying to be "cool" in the eyes of the world at the cost of your bodily and spiritual integrity... and Nintendo Game Boys. (Oh I 'member Game Boys! They were fantastic!) Yeah this movie was painful to watch, like, "hockey puck to the nuts" painful, but only because it was so f'ing TRUE. (And not in the "wazzzuuuup?" kind of way). It's chock full of the kind of inevitable childhood foibles and follies you've repressed that probably traumatized you, which makes it real, and real good emotive stuff. So along with the references and callbacks to that glazed-over, fondly "membered" 90s of orange-splat Nickelodeon and Blast-Processed Genesis/SNES, this movie was painful to watch because while watching it, in ways only someone who has been a kid trying to prove himself can attest, all I could think was "yeah... I remember that."

Kids are f-ing cruel, and this story doesn't pull any punches. In fact, the opening shot involves this kid getting jacked in his home by his older brother. "Ooof!" And so we follow this kid from LA in the year 1995, a year I mostly remember for being the year Jumanji came out (mainly because the girl said it was 1995 in the movie... "what year is it??" indeed). His name's Stevie and he's about 12 or so, and absolutely caught up in that whole urban, street-craze rough skate culture right at the time when it was at its Road Rash, classic Tony Hawk zenith. Of course he and his gang dream of one day "going pro," but are usually found nursing their wounds. BUTT... this ain't no throwback "RADICAL!" or "Cowabunga" "skater" flick with Dom Deluise voice acting a talking magical skateboard (Skateboard Kid anyone?)... this is a movie about the very demographic those 90s kid movie cash grabs were ostensibly "made for." Dumb boys with boners for ex-celennnnt tricks and gnarly wipe outs! Wasted in the x-TREME man! Yeah... These adolescents are more human and down to Earth than typical movie skater boys, and more like the genuine article than perhaps any other depiction of them thus far, realistic and relateable, but also deeply flawed and vulnerable, desperate for something to cling to and protect them... but still pretty dumb.

Like most boys, Stevie's life is simple: wake up, get your ass beat by your OJ-chugging, ganja'ed out, butthead big brother (the kind who probably has another daddy, farts in your face, and tells you his penis is bigger than yours on the reg but you still kinda look up to him for it anyway), get bitched out in public by your deadbeat single mom (who was obviously date-raped at some point in her past and you know it, and is probably yelling at you to get to school because she doesn't know it's the weekend), ditch school anyway (because it's not the weekend), yell racial and homophobic slurs at cops, get called a "faggot" by your "friends" for not executing a perfect Ollie while holding an M15 for street cred and impregnating and subsequently slapping the nearest group of high-skirted, halter-topped hos in the inevitable vicinity... spend time at a skateboard shop just scoping out the scene and getting called a "poser" for wearing a hat the wrong way, then come home, get bitched at by your mom again for being late and how "she doesn't know you anymore," and then get your nightly pummeling in the nuts by big bro who's calling you a homophobic slur again for drinking his prized OJ (and for having a smaller penis). All that, and yeah, Game Boys were a thing. 'Member Game Boys?! Whhhoaaaa! It really is the story of every 90s kid!

Given all this, you can start to understand why skateboarding is so important to Stevie, and why trying to find purpose and connection with other skaters in the pecker-order of that crowd may just be his only shot at escaping his own "90s kid!!" experience. (If only we all had been so lucky.)

In any other Jonah Hill movie, this kid and his group of friends (which probably would've included Jonah Hill, and probably did behind the scenes) would've just been a bunch of dimwitted, pussy-obsessed, stoner, loser skaters, ditching school, cracking gay jokes, getting stoned, getting drunk, and striking out at gettin' some. But this movie shows us this typical "goon squad" in a bit more of a, well, human light, doing all of the above, but doing it like actual teenage boys do it. There's Reuben, who is the youngest (until Stevie enters and trumps him in the hierarchy). There's Ray and Fuckshit, who are the oldest in the group and therefore the most radical skaters this side of the Rockies (and I mean, everything east of the Rockies) and so naturally pretty much rule Reuben and Stevie's worlds with both their stoner wisdom and headcracking stunts, plus the presumed mondo-ness of their genitalia. Then there's Fourth Grade, the quiet type who films stuff, and not on his phone. No. He uses actual "film."

In all their bone-headed and yet charming exploits, the film does a good job of what it's like to grow up as a dude within that urban-type environment and at that particular time in kid culture, with all it's pros and cons on display and not a hint of judgement or commentary attached to it. So allow me to comment on it. (Spoilers be here!)

Stevie struggles to be accepted by his raggedy skater clique, even spending all kinds of money to pimp out his skateboard with something he thought was so cool until a "cooler" kid than him, Reuben, informs him that what he thought was cool was actually lame, and he would know, because he's cool and his skateboard is so much cooler, obviously (damn, that's pretty sound kid logic right there). Stevie struggles to make any name for himself he can with these guys and you really believe he would literally do anything, ANYTHING, no matter how low, criminal, self-destructive, or even whorish or dehumanizing, to get so much as a Y-shaka sign from any of them (damn millennials, always thinking they're entitled to being accepted among the cool kids). This is until he stages a concussion for himself by skating off a roof, landing several feet down onto a table, no helmet. While he's sitting there bleeding from his brain, his chosen set of dudes understandably welcomes him into the fold as one of the gang and confer on him that much-needed "cool" status that every 90s boy needed to survive. But his rapid ascension in the ranks also raises the ire of his one-time best friend Reuben (who was only his friend as long as he could lord his own street cred over Stevie's bushy head), since now Reuben is the one all the guys are cutting down to size and calling a "faggot." Loyalties rapidly shift, as even Stevie now partakes in the denunciation of Reuben and his very status as a male. Does this shit ring a bell? Sounds like the 90s childhood I remember!

Stevie's rise to the top only gets all the more cemented among his peers the night he's invited to a teen party to get wasted with the gang (again, sounds like a dream come true). While at the party, he awkwardly fumbles his way through a conversation with a halter-topped teen girl who is very much his senior, meanwhile trying to act suave while drunk and understandably hiding his erection at the very idea that a chick that hot would even be acknowledging his pubescent existence (the way I would've at that age... or even now). But unlike any chick I've ever embarrassed myself in front of, this one decides that it's time enough for our little boy Stevie to become a man and give him what every boy his age could only dream of getting from someone like her. So she drags him into a back room where she totally... yeah... despite being quite a few years older. (And as South Park so eloquently put it... "Nice...") Emerging entranced and euphoric from that, presumably a full minute later (he's a pubescent boy and she was hot, come on, it couldn't haven taken long), he gets the admiration and commendation of his whole gang who know he just totally scored. His "man card" is officially in the mail. Masculinity unlocked, amiright?

This newfound confidence though brings with it troubles at home. Sure, he now has the cajones to stand up to his big brother and even steal his OJ, but that only means he gets his ass whooped within a pinch of his life even harder because now his brother is "concerned" about him. Suddenly, even his brother is starting to think he's hanging out with the wrong crowd (and that's saying something), but only because beating his ass took more effort this time than it should've. But what's worse, he gets chewed out by his bitch mom and is forbade to converse with any of them at the skateboard shop. But come on... this "bad crowd" got him status and got him laid within the course of a few WEEKS! What has his mother or brother ever done for him? And so, the final act is set up for a confrontation between the forces of evil at home dragging him down into unhinged mediocrity with them, and the forces of good out on the streets who are giving him purpose, connection, camraderie, and getting him laid with smokin' older chicks (who also literally be smokin').

Nice...

All in all, it's everyboy's tale (well, except with the actually having sex part), with a bit more period-specific homophobia thrown in. Why it's called Mid90s, why it even really needs to be set in the 90s, other than for possible Jonah Hill autobiographical cues, is kind of a mystery to me, but its setting and the promise of getting to see the year 1995 depicted in all its glory certainly got me to give it a view. Despite all the heavy stuff, it's actually still a fun romp. Its nostalgia is not a punch to the gut like other recent movies (Captain Marvel, I'm looking at you!). No lingering shots of "Blockbuster Video"... no stupid references to Furbies or Gel Pens or Dial Up Modems whatevers. It's nostalgia is more of a painful reminder of just how damn hard it is to be a kid, and why, when you were one, you wanted to grow up and not be one so damn bad! Relateable much?