|Wait... Tails wasn't brown!|
I didn't go hungry though, because the 90's served up so much sugar on TV it's a wonder I still have all my teeth. Let's just say, my brother and I had "less badass" interests on lazy Saturday mornings in 1990, and shows like Maya the Bee, The Littl'bits, Shining Time Station, Fraggle Rock, Eureka's Castle (sadly) and Sonic the Hedgehog made up the bulk of it. Anything clean, colorful, mindless, and utterly devoid of muscles was good enough. These shows didn't activate my urges to break into random sword fighting during commercial breaks, but they were sweet enough pieces of eye candy to chew down between commercial breaks. They may have been trying to instead stimulate that seldom-used thing called a brain, but then again probably not. If my brain couldn't be compelled by cars, guns, muscles, and pizza, then it probably wasn't going to be compelled by hedgehogs, stupid dogs, exploding eyes, and pizza, either.
I didn't like Ninja Turtles, Street Sharks, Dino-Vengers, Gargoyles, Transformers, or even the dang Cheetahmen. Did I watch them? Well, of course. Who didn't? Who doesn't know their Raphael from their Donatello? Who doesn't love Ripster and Streex? Who can't name T-bone's signature move? Come on. But give me Rocko's Modern Life and Pete and Pete any day. I traded bulging muscles, Kung Fu turtles, and underwear being worn on the outside, for fuzzy puppets, claymation puke, and cartoon animals who don't even wear underwear, let alone pants. No, violence was too intense for this little dork, but I could stomach a good "Sonic
And of course whenever this came up, somebody had to say it, and it was usually me:
In the 80s and early 90s, children's television existed for the sole purpose of selling you toys. That was what it was all about, whether it was a new Transformer or a new Sonic game. And there are just two different types of boys wanting those toys... the "hoo-ra!" ones who dream of driving a jet across a desert at high speeds only to morph into a robot that can shoot lasers from its shoulders, and the "uber dorks" like me who just want a trippy comedy adventure complete with furry animals, toilet jokes, and morals like a sledgehammer. In the end, it was all good, because it was all cheese... worth biting into so long as you held your nose. And if you waited for the commercial breaks, you knew just what to pester your parents for. See? That makes it simple.